"Forgiveness is giving up all hope of having had a better past."

I got a real job this week. Salaried management position with health insurance. I got a job this week, not because I am lucky, which I most certainly am, but because I am sober. I got a job this week, not because I stopped drinking, but because I've been cleaning my 'house'. I got a job this week because I asked God for help. I got a job this week because I asked God to help me move out of the way so that I could find my good. I got a job this week because when I sent in my resume I left Eileen on the couch watching TV. I got a job this week because I left Eileen in the car when I went in for the interview. I got a job this week because I finally stopped trying to run the show. I got a job this week because I have forgiven myself for the jobs I didn't get and the jobs I didn't keep and the jobs I didn't appreciate. I got a job this week because I have forgiven myself for the time that I lost myself. I got a job this week because I trust. I got a job this week because I had faith that when the time was right, I would get a job.

I got a job this week even though I spent last week hugging myself in the mud because I hurt so bad that it was all I could do. I got a job even though the hurt got even worse. I got a job this week because even though I thought the pain would literally kill me, life goes on. I got a job this week because relationships end, and relationships begin, and people die and people live and we get jobs and we lose jobs and some times we hurt so fucking bad and sometimes joy sneaks up on us and we try to remember to say out loud 'If this isn't good, I don't know what is' and we do not give up. We do not give up. We do not lose faith. We do not stop doing the next right thing. We are ok. I am ok. I got a job.