"Forgiveness is giving up all hope of having had a better past."

I got a real job this week. Salaried management position with health insurance. I got a job this week, not because I am lucky, which I most certainly am, but because I am sober. I got a job this week, not because I stopped drinking, but because I've been cleaning my 'house'. I got a job this week because I asked God for help. I got a job this week because I asked God to help me move out of the way so that I could find my good. I got a job this week because when I sent in my resume I left Eileen on the couch watching TV. I got a job this week because I left Eileen in the car when I went in for the interview. I got a job this week because I finally stopped trying to run the show. I got a job this week because I have forgiven myself for the jobs I didn't get and the jobs I didn't keep and the jobs I didn't appreciate. I got a job this week because I have forgiven myself for the time that I lost myself. I got a job this week because I trust. I got a job this week because I had faith that when the time was right, I would get a job.

I got a job this week even though I spent last week hugging myself in the mud because I hurt so bad that it was all I could do. I got a job even though the hurt got even worse. I got a job this week because even though I thought the pain would literally kill me, life goes on. I got a job this week because relationships end, and relationships begin, and people die and people live and we get jobs and we lose jobs and some times we hurt so fucking bad and sometimes joy sneaks up on us and we try to remember to say out loud 'If this isn't good, I don't know what is' and we do not give up. We do not give up. We do not lose faith. We do not stop doing the next right thing. We are ok. I am ok. I got a job.

I can't even

I have reached my maximum threshold for emotional pain.

Salad Bar Catholic

I like to call myself a "Cafeteria Catholic" (take what you need and leave the rest). I'm actually more of a "Salad Bar Catholic" or even a "Side Salad Bar Catholic" (take things like croutons and pudding and leave the actual 'salad' part). However, in my attempt to get myself more spiritually fit and physically fit, I decided I would do Lent this year. So I was thinking, I've given up a lot of stuff this year. Lots of stuff that was bad for me but things that I enjoyed (at some level, I guess), so I've decided to start something for lent rather then stop something. I'm going to exercise every day of lent. I mean, its sort of giving up something if you really think about it. It will significantly cut into my napping with both the actual doing of the exercising and the extra energy I hope to get from the exercising. It's giving up being comfortable for a period of time everyday. I value comfort above most things. So I really think that God will be cool with my plan, if God exists, which I'm still pretty skeptical about. It doesn't really matter because it is making me and will continue to make me feel better, which is what my life is all about today.
Thanks for letting me share.